food tv tonight: jamie oliver and heston blumenthal

I tried to watch Nigella last night, but simply couldn't. She's too much to take. I read an excellent description of her in a London paper yesterday: a woman who appears like she's constantly suppressing a state of ecstasy. It must be chocolate-induced.

So tonight, Jamie and Heston, on 4 and BBC2, respectively.

Jamie's recipes don't really do it for me, though I liked the Naked Chef. I don't think his style of cooking translates well onto the page. He's a bit out there, and a little too slapdash for my liking, though I respect the Italian origins of his cooking. But his roast duck and pumpkin salad, though exciting, was an absolute mess - it looked like the scraps from my chopping and dicing.

I did learn a few things: you don't have to remove the butternut squash's peel before cooking -the squash tastes lovely and chewy skin-on, Jamie convinces us. Another butternut wonder: squash muffins, which I'd love to try. The frosting sounds tasty (and fun for the kiddies), but perhaps not absolutely necessary. His butternut squash soup didn't quite pass the inventiveness test, though, but things are classic for a reason.

On to Heston Blumenthal, ever the modest chef, now in pursuit of perfection. He's owner of three Michelin stars and head chef of the restaurant voted second best in the world, The Fat Duck. Using scientific techniques - and likely a bit of Herve This' molecular gastronomy (though he hates the concept), the man is on a mission.

First on his list of things to do today: perfecting chicken tikka masala. Naturally, testing every Indian restaurant within sight - and a long plane ride - needs doing (if only in the name of research). He finds that British chicken tikka masala (shock! horror!) doesn't actually exist in India. The closest dish is butter chicken.

Heavily bespectacled Heston heads outside to build his own cooking pit. Oh, isn't it lucky he has three men and a bulldozer to help him - and some authentic Indian cooks. One vividly orange yogurt marinade later, and we're getting somewhere. but Heston does not just take his word for it - he gets chemical engineers to test two marinades - one with yogurt, one without - to test the effects. He finds that the yogurt has an extra effect on uncooked meat. Extensive experiments also conclude brining the chicken first adds an extra moistness. And a chickpea roux in the mixture - love it.

Though tasty, Heston's tikka takes time - almost 24 hours, including separate marinating times. And don't forget the necessary equipment, like a pressure cooker and bricks in a barbie in the garden (and a MRI machine, should you have one handy). But good food is worth waiting for, innit?