don't try this at home

In honour of St. Patrick’s Day yesterday, instead of boozing it up, I decided instead to whip up an Irish recipe. But I didn’t fancy stew and I didn’t fancy colcannon.

Luckily, I found what seemed like a good recipe on Epicurious for Smoked mackerel, turnip and potato gratin. I have to say, though, that I was confused from the start – though the recipe called for ‘turnips’ in the title, later, in the discussion and ingredient list, it referred to rutabaga, which is the American word for swede. As the recipe called it a ‘sweet starchy root vegetable’, I opted for swede.

That obviously didn’t bode well for me. Next on the ingredient list was heavy cream (aka double cream) and whole milk. Well, I wasn’t about to use those, what with the smoked mackerel also in the dish, so I substituted single cream and skimmed milk. It’s worked before in bakes and sauces, so why not?

Well, perhaps not, as the sauce broke after the good 55 minutes the gratin spent in the oven, making something between a milky watery mess and a creamy goo.

Finally, as I didn’t have a mandolin to slice the potatoes and Swedes thinly enough, the Swedes were undercooked whereas the potatoes were fine. I’m thinking, should I ever try this monstrosity again, that I may parboil the swede.

As the dish came out of the oven, my first thoughts were to run for the hills (or the mezze joint just around the corner). But it felt like such a waste, and, after all, Delia was about to come on. Actually, the potato and smoked mackerel tasted just fine, as long as you avoid looking at it as you eat it. Blindfolds perhaps should be on the ingredient list for my version.

What’s really interesting is that my ‘cutting corners’ with lower-calorie ingredients still didn’t make it a low-calorie dish! The entire gratin had over 2,100 calories alone – so imagine what double cream and whole milk would have done to it! Next time I think smoked mackerel and mash may be the way forward.